Wednesday, October 2, 2013

My defining moment (part one)

 Part One: I was eighteen and a freshman in college when I was diagnosed with melanoma. That was my defining moment. I suddenly went from worrying about mid-terms and how I would spend my first spring break,to worrying about how much time I had left to live. This moment shaped who I have become and who I will be. The repercussions were immense. During my scariest moments, I started to write about the things I wanted to accomplish in my life. In such a saddening time, I was fighting for my future and below are the things I couldn't imagine leaving this world without experiencing.  The words below I wrote 6 years ago....

  • " I want to explore all the beautiful places I have never seen. I want to travel the world and experience other cultures. I want to love the feeling of coming back to Oklahoma and knowing that no matter how far I go it will always be home.
  •  I want to graduate from college a teacher with the attitude that making a living is not making a life. I want to have my own classroom where children come in feeling safe and appreciated for being indivuals with their own view of the world. I want to make a difference in someone's life.
  • I want to fall in love with a man who becomes my best friend and lover. I want to find the man who feels like my favorite blanket, whose arms make me feel safe, whose intelligence challenges me to new thoughts, and who most importantly loves God more than he loves me. I want to build a life with him,take his last name, and be proud to call ourselves husband and wife. I want to dance barefoot in the kitchen with him.I want to fall asleep to the sound of his hearbeat and wake up to his voice. I want to kiss him in the middle of an arguement with the intention of making it impossible for either one of us to stay angry.I want passionate, intimate moments that allow us to truly feel alive. I want to experience the world as a part of someone else, not just an individual. I want to buy a home on acres of green land with a blue front door and a front porch with a swing. A place to call ours that together, we make a home.
  • I want to be a mom. I want to have a huge baby belly, spend way too much money on nursery decorations and precious little clothes. I want to feel a life growing inside me and know that I am being given the greatest blessing. I want to fall in love with my husband all over again when I first see our child in his arms. I want the sleepless nights of rocking my baby to sleep in my arms while quietly humming the lullabies that were sang to me as a child.I want to have tonka trucks and barbies dolls scattered through my living room floor. I want to watch my children grow to be people who love their God,who know they are loved unconditionally, and who know that without their prescence in my life, I would have lived feeeling incomplete."
Part Two coming soon...